Animal Shelter Antics
by Theodore Hawkwood
Summary: When the Misfits volunteer at a San Francisco Animal Shelter as part of a community outreach program the usual insanity results in this little one shot.


Animal Shelter Antics

**Disclaimer: The Misfitverse is Red Witch's creation. I don't own the X-men, G.I. Joe, Charmed or Once Upon A Time in Mexico. The character of Mountaineer, a.k.a. Ted Griffin is my creation. _The Thunderstorm Blues_ is Red Witch's fic that inspired this insanity. **

**AN: Trickery, Mischief and Guile are the three guardians of chaos (i.e. very annoying Coyotes) pestering Lance. **

**Summary: When the Misfits volunteer at a San Francisco Animal Shelter as part of a community outreach program the usual insanity results in this little one shot. **

* * *

"So you'd like to volunteer?" Ms. Quinnell, the lady who ran the Bay Area Animal Shelter said.

"Of course." Shipwreck replied, and then he leaned closer to the woman and said, "Maybe after we're done, we could slip out for dinner and a drink or two?"

"In your dreams sailor." Ms. Quinnell replied.

"Ow. Ow. Ow." Shipwreck said as Althea grabbed his ear.

"Down boy. Down." Althea began as they walked back to the kennels. The rest of the Misfits followed behind as a fellow in the olive drab fatigues of the Israeli military turned towards Miss Quinnell.

"Sorry miss," Mountaineer said to Ms. Quinnell, "Shipwreck's kind of in heat."

"When is he not?" Low Light asked.

"When he's drunk." Roadblock replied.

"Hey, quit the character assassinations already!" Shipwreck protested.

"Sorry, Shipwreck, your character was assassinated years ago." Cover Girl quipped.

As they neared the kennels a gray French poodle stood up on its hind legs excitedly and started barking when it saw and smelled Shipwreck.

"Yip! Yip! Yip!"

"Oh no…" Shipwreck groaned.

"What?" Mountaineer asked as the other Misfits chuckled among themselves.

"It was a case of the Thunderstorm Blues." Lance said.

"What?" Ted asked again.

"Althea told us that Shipwreck tried to become a male model once to try and attract Cover Girl but all he attracted were several law suits and a very confused French poodle." Lance replied.

"Law suits? French poodle?" Ted asked.

"Exactly what they sound like Ted." Althea replied, "Apparently it's here and hasn't forgotten Dad. Maybe you two could bond…"

"Forget it!" Shipwreck yelped, "Keep that thing away from me."

"But it's such a cute animal, Shipwreck." Ted replied.

"You're a dog person I gather, right?" Cover Girl asked as she knelt down to pet a two year old Golden Retriever through the fence. She let the animal sniff her before taking a leash and opening the kennel up. She leashed the dog, "Roadblock, you're in charge of the dog walking group."

"Yeah." Ted replied, "When I was five years old and living in British Colombia, Dad bought a Siberian Husky named Torpedo."

"Torpedo?" Cover Girl asked.

"He used to knock me over and lick me every time I walked out of my room." Ted replied.

"Yip! Yip! Yip!" The Poodle excitedly as it saw Shipwreck, smashing against the wire of fence.

"Keep that thing away from me…" Shipwreck began.

"Why Dad? It'll be the most action you've had since Eau de Shipwreck." Althea quipped.

"You are so grounded when we get home." Shipwreck replied.

"Hey Sands, we could find you a Seeing Eye dog in here." Ted quipped.

"Why use her when your girlfriend would make a cleaner substitute?" Sands replied.

"Hey, at least I can see what a beautiful woman I'm currently in love with." Ted quipped.

"Ah the folly of love." Sands quipped.

"Nyah! Nyah! You can't get me! Nyah! Nyah!" Pietro said as he sped up and own in front of the kennels. A Bull Terrier growled at Pietro.

"Pietro, don't harass the animals." Blind Master replied, as he leashed a two year old Bullmastiff. The big dog licked the Blind Master's face, "Hey, not so sloppy there girl."

"It seems like you've found a new companion, Blind Master." Low Light quipped.

"Ha ha." Blind Master quipped, and the Bullmastiff licked him again, "Yuck. I just washed that shirt too…"

"Let's go look at the kitties." Spyder said, grabbing Lance's hand.

"Why remind him of his own lost Kitty-Kat?" Pietro said, "Don't torment him like that."

"Die!" Lance said, lunging after Pietro who ran off laughing.

"Lance, remember your anger management therapy. No earthquakes…" Low Light chided.

"Anger management therapy? Earthquakes? What kind of nuthouse did you people come from?" Ms. Quinnell asked.

"Never mind." Low Light began.

"Hey, let's look at this one." Lance said, as he was about to open a pet carrier with a green eyed Siamese cat inside.

"You might want to be careful with that one." Mrs. Quinnell warned, "This cat is named Facehugger for a reason…"

"Lance, you're so desperate to see any cat since you and Kitty Kat have…" Pietro began from behind Lance. Lance simply opened the cage door and jumped to one side as Facehugger leapt out with lightning speed and clung to Pietro's face.

"AUGH! I can't see! I can't see!" Pietro shouted.

"Welcome to my life, kid." Sands quipped.

Meanwhile Ted put his hand on the gate of Bangalore, the Siberian Husky's kennel, letting the dog sniff his hand. Ted opened the kennel and put the leash on it, taking him outside for a walk.

"I think Ted's got the right idea." Blind Master said, and with the big Bull Mastiff, he walked outside.

Ms. Quinnell walked out to the exercise area behind the shelter to keep an eye on the two men and avoid the insanity as Lance began inexplicably yelling at the air.

"What? I am not trying to substitute a cat for Kitty!" Lance shouted.

_I really shouldn't, but I can't resist. _Blob thought as he threw his two cents in. He broke into his Psychiatrist Fred voice and said, "Well, Lance, there is some form of compensation you appear to be going through. After all, Kitty is really a diminutive of the word cat. You're practically obsessed with a girl with the same name…"

"Tra la la! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!" Lance shouted as he covered his ears, yelling at Blob and the three Coyotes.

"I do believe that dear Fredrick has a point." Trickery began, in his trademark English accent.

"After all, Kitty has been somewhat absent from your life." Mischief began.

"And cats are reminiscent of her." Guile replied, "Not to mention more appealing."

"DIE!" Lance shouted and began chasing the Coyotes all around the room.

"Get this thing off me!" Pietro screamed like a small girl as Facehugger clung for dear life, "It's messing up my hair!"

Pietro was running around the place, flailing his arms, opening random doors and he inadvertently released a certain poodle…

"AUGH! Get this thing away from me!" Shipwreck shouted as the poodle began humping his right calf. Shipwreck was trying to shake the dog loose but it held on even tighter.

"Wow Dad, that dog really has lousy taste." Althea began.

"What surprises me is that it isn't even drunk." Cover Girl added.

"SOMEONE GET THIS CRAZY CAT OFF MY FACE!" Pietro screamed.

"We'll help." Trinity replied as they zapped Pietro with psychic lightning.

"YEOW WOW OW! I DON'T NEED YOUR KIND OF HELP!" Pietro screamed as he now ran around the room.

Polly, meanwhile, flapped about saying, "Where are all the ladies at?"

He noticed several parrots in a cage and flew towards them, noticing that all of them were female. The avian equivalent of a smile formed as he headed towards the cage as he whistled _Jungle Boogie. _

"Yip! Yip! Yip!" The poodle continued.

"Off! Off! Off!" Shipwreck shouted as he shook his leg more vigorously.

"Won't Storm be relieved?" Cover Girl began. Meanwhile Arcade and Toad were filming everything on tiny video cameras.

Pietro's running also opened the kennel of the Bull Terrier, named Earl, he'd been harassing earlier. Earl sprang from the cage and clamped his jaws.

CHOMP!

"OWWWW!" Pietro shouted, an even more high pitched squeal that caused all the animals in the kennels to start going haywire.

* * *

Meanwhile Ted and the Blind Master were walking the dogs they had chosen to exercise. The Bullmastiff sat down, and Blind Master petted it, careful to avoid it slobbering on him again.

"Should we go in?" Ted asked, "It seems like your new friend could use a little rest."

"Get this fucking poodle off my leg!" Shipwreck screamed.

"OWWW OWWW OWWW!" Pietro howled, as the Bull Terrier still had a death grip on him.

"Not just yet." Blind Master replied.

ZZZZAAAPPP!

"Trinity, zapping Pietro only makes those two animals cling to him even tighter." Lance began.

"But it's sooooo much fun to zap Pietro, and we don't get to do it often." Trinity replied.

"Maybe not for a long while." Ted replied, as he crouched down and scratched the Siberian Husky behind the ears, and the dog began to nuzzle and lick him affectionately.

"Won't Paige get jealous?" Blind Master replied.

"Ha ha." Ted replied.

"OWW! HE'S BITING MY BUTT! HE'S BITING MY BUTT!" Pietro screamed as he ran outside with Facehugger and Earl clinging to his face and rear end respectively. Pietro kept running until he ran right into a telephone pole and knocked himself unconscious.

"Why do I sense we're about to be banned from this place too?" Ted replied.

"Because we are." Blind Master replied, as a very angry looking Ms. Quinnell was bearing down on them, anger all over her usually pleasant features.

As she headed over there the ground shook as Lance lost yet another battle with his temper and the animals in the shelter went crazy again.

"Hawk is not gonna be in a good mood." Ted quipped.

"You think. No, I thought he would give us medals and promotions for this backfire." Blind Master commented sarcastically, as the Bullmastiff licked him yet again, "Eyuck…."

* * *

End 


End file.
